Ten things I absolutely hate about heteronormative dating.

From Feministing.com
Ten things I absolutely hate about heteronormative dating.

In no particular order.

1. You are expected to dress nice and act a certain way "waiting" to get asked out.

2. You have to play by the rules which generally give men most of the power. (wait till he calls you, don't be too forward, be mysterious-you don't want to scare him off, etc)

3. If you show emotion too early on or too much of it, you are needy.

4. If you don't show enough emotion, you are making the other party insecure forcing them to wield social privilege to silence your daring attempt at independence from self obliteration via coupling.

5. It fetishizes unequal power relations between women. He'll get the tab, he'll get the door as long as he gets the vagina, and that is considered "romance."

6. It makes same sex couples feel "less than."

7. It dictates your interaction in most social settings and social circles, whether you are single or coupled. It is either/or, there is no 3rd identity or in-between.

8. If you have sex too early you ruined it.

9. If you don't have sex early on you are a prude.

10. It is expected to lead to marriage (and if you don't have a ring on your finger you are "on the market.")

So while some of this is tongue and cheek and most of it is obvious, I do think this is feminism's dark corner. There is no guide to dating outside of patriarchy, there is no narrative for if you want to do it on your own or if you don't want to get married, but you don't want to be single either. Many women are caught in the middle, trapped between the discourse of what is expected and what they want.

I write this from my perspective as a woman, but I am sure feminist men also have major problems with heteronormative dating, so please give your feedback in comments.